Who's Playing Who?

Welcome back to The Final Buzzer!

After gaining acceptance from the Who’s Playing Who? nation, I’ve been allowed to write another article! Like that prison inmate who was put into solitary confinement and is now being released back into Gen Pop, I’m back and ready to cause more carnage.

One of my friends said I was a poor man’s Bill Simmons. Pretty stoked with that! Is it possible to be a rich man’s Bill Simmons? What about a financially stable and fiscally responsible man’s Bill Simmons? So many questions! He actually downgraded my article because I didn’t write enough about his favourite team (yeah that’s right I’m talking about you Chris Simcock! His last name has cock in it! Haha!)

This time I’m going to focus on the NBA’s Western Conference and boy are there some interesting storylines going on as we move closer to the Playoffs!

Let’s start at the top of the Conference with the San Antonio Spurs. They’re currently 57-14 and have the best record in the NBA. But lately, we’ve seen Tony Parker (calf injury) and Tim Duncan (ankle sprain) miss time because of injuries. Duncan’s ankle is a big concern, and they’re hoping The Big Fundamental is going to be ready for the Playoffs. They’re going to need him if the Spurs want to add a 5^th championship in the Duncan-Popovich era. With Duncan out, look for more Tiago Splitter and possibly more Matt Bonner, who plays in New Balance running shoes…poor Mat Bonner. All the black athletes get shoe endorsements, leaving guys like Bonner without a shoe deal. DAMN HIS ETHNICITY!

The hottest team at the moment are the Lakers. They’ve only lost one game since the All Star break. Andrew Bynum (who’s been playing like he’s got two healthy knees) was suspended for their last 2 games for spear tackling Michael Beasley in the air. Does Mark Jackson call that a “grown man move”? Luckily for the Lakers, it hasn’t cost them as they beat the Portland Trailblazers and the Phoenix Suns in a triple overtime thriller last night.

Ok I’m going to talk about that game for a little bit. What an absolute crazy game! The Lakers were up 21 with less than 5 minutes in the 3^rd and the Suns bring it back and a chance to win in regulation! Channing Frye completely mind-fcuked* Lamar Odom  at the end of the first overtime to draw 3 free throws force the 2^nd overtime, Kobe hit some dumb but heroic looking shots and Ron Artest was posing to the crowd like it was Game 7 of the 2010 Finals! Odom, Gasol, Frye, Gortat all played over 50 minutes and Nash and Kobe played 49 and 48 minutes respectively.

*(I spelt the F word wrong so Adrian wouldn’t edit it out)

After the game Kobe had this to say:

“We had an opportunity to put them in a little bit of a hole in terms of getting in the playoffs…And I can’t say I didn’t enjoy doing that.”

A douche/classic Black Mamba move depending on what side of the Kobe fence you sit on.

These two teams have had a rivalry dating back to 2006 when the Suns eliminated the Lakers from the playoffs two years in a row. This most likely kills the chances of the Suns making the playoffs this year falling 3 games behind Memphis for the 8^th seed. This is a shame because Steve Nash is so awesome but also so old. How much time does this guy have left? (In his career, not his life…just thought I should clear that up).

The Suns bounced back from their triple overtime loss to Toronto and keep their slim playoff hopes alive. Gortat is very solid. Nash must be stoked that he now has a white European forward to pass it to off the pick and roll instead of Amare…

Dallas is currently in 3^rd but they’re only 5-5 in their last 10. Is Dirk getting tired physically? Or tired of hearing about his owner Mark Cuban continuously going on about starting a show with Charlie Sheen? I guess we’re going to find out soon enough because either A) the Mav’s are going to be eliminated by the Blazers in the first round or B) Mark Cuban and Charlie Sheen announce their new late night talk show- Tiger Talk with Charlie Sheen. Either way I’m excited.

And speaking of the Blazers, how scary are they now after that Gerald Wallace trade? Aldridge is playing out of his mind and making everyone forget about Greg Oden. Oh man Greg Oden…(sad face). And to think they could’ve had Durant! They pass up on drafting Michael Jordan, they choose Oden over Durant and now Brandon Roy no longer has knees…I feel bad for Roy. He’s gone from the 3^rd best SG in the league to an above average player with two terrible knees. I hope he can get healthy. Also Marcus Camby went down with an ankle injury so he’s out until further notice.

The Thunder 4^th place in the conference and are looking better and better in each game with Kendrick Perkins. He’s anchoring their defence and the rotation of Perk, Ibaka, Collison and Mohammed is scary. And Perk has already provided what might be the highlight of the year thanks to Dwyane Wade. Wade’s dunk over Perk was sick. Only 5 games in a Thunder uniform and he’s already on a poster! It was so sick that Perk’s dad caught a cold from it. And he lives in New Zealand!

Denver is 5^th and is really making Bill Simmons’ ‘Ewing theory’ look good at the moment. For those who don’t know what the ‘Ewing theory’ is, it’s basically the idea that a team will play better after its star player is traded away. And the Nuggets making Simmons look like a genius! They actually have a better record without Carmelo than the Knicks do with Carmelo…

After the Top 6 in the West, we have New Orleans, Memphis, Houston and the Suns fighting it out for the 7 and 8 seeds. Memphis has just found out that Rudy Gay is done for the season with a shoulder injury, which is a huge blow to their playoff chances, but they responded with a huge win over the Celtics last night.

New Orleans is 7^th and Chris Paul’s knee brace looks bigger than he does. I’m no doctor but I’m guessing the bigger the knee brace, the worse the knee? Speaking of knees, David West tore his left ACL in a win against the Jazz. He’s done for the season. This is devastating news for Hornet fans. This injury could knock them out of the playoffs entirely.

Houston is making a late push for the playoffs after starting the season 0-5. They’re 12-3 since the All Star break and Chuck Hayes recorded a triple double against the Golden State Warriors (13pts, 14 rebs and 11ast)! WTF!? Chuck Hayes?!?! The guy’s 6’6 and records a triple double! Who does he think he is?! Charles Barkley?

Andre Kirilenko must be gutted that he wasn’t included in that Nets trade for Deron Williams. I bet he was hoping to be included so he could hang out with Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov and compare how tall and Russian they both are.

Golden State’s season is going as expected. Terribly. Luckily they signed David Lee to shore up their defence…

Sacramento fans only have to put up with DeMarcus Cousins’ maturity problems for 12 more games until the Kings move to Anaheim and he becomes their problem.

The Timberwolves are appearing to tank the rest of the season to improve their chances of winning the draft lottery. Coach Kurt Rambis is rumoured to be let go at the end of the season a.k.a – fired.

Finally, the Clippers’ Blake Griffin had his first triple double in a win against Washington (33 pts, 17 rebs, 10 ast). He had the most awesomest offensive foul ever the other night against the Suns. It was as good as the dunk over Timofey Mozgov, but unfortunately Marcin Gortat’s giant nose was outside the no charge zone so Blake fouled out. But what a way to go! See for yourself below:

And with that video I think I’ll leave it there.

If you’re still reading this, I’m flattered, surprised but also very worried that you have this much free time to read this. I can’t believe it’s actually longer than my first post! Shouldn’t you be studying or working or just doing something more productive like internet porn?

And that my friends, is The Final Buzzer.